How to Talk to Spirits and Move Forward Through Grief
This Friday will be one year since my Dad passed. In that time I have learnt a lot and been through the deepest grief I’ve ever experienced. Over the years I’ve lost a few people dear to me, one being my cherished Grandma. She passed away of Leukaemia in a short time span, from diagnosis to death. I became her carer in those last few months; a tumultuous time of hurt. When she passed I didn’t even consider talking to her. I reflected on our love, worked mentally through the events of the end stage and suffered intense sadness but I didn’t contemplate the idea of communicating with her spirit. I moved forward and put the end stage in the past and all the other positive memories to the forefront.
When my Dad died it was completely different. He died of Haemopericardium (his heart filled up with blood and he passed away in his sleep). The days before I’d been talking to him multiple times, he was helping us purchase a house. I realised something was wrong when I tried reaching him (to share the news that our offer had been accepted) and his phone continuously rang out.
When Dad left there was still so much I needed his help with. Unlike with Grandma, my first instinct was to try and talk with him. I did this from the very first night and have continued ever since.
I’m very aware that talking to spirits may conjure up scenes of full-moon, ouija board gatherings.
When my Grandma died many people reassured me that she was still with me and to lean in on that for comfort. I definitely appreciated the sentiment but placed it in the realm of well-meaning wishes.
I wanted to write this blog post because communicating with my Dad has been an incredible tool in moving forward through my grief. You don’t have to fully subscribe to the notion just know that it’s a tool available to you if you’re suffering the pain of loss.
HOW TO
In the beginning stage (the first weeks) the easiest place to talk to Dad was close to glass. The clearest communication I had was sitting in front of my bedroom window looking out or driving in my car (behind the windscreen). In the first few days, I would simply recap my day, my emotional landscape and tell Dad I missed and loved him. I didn’t have the solid belief I was talking to Dad I was simply outwardly sharing my grief. Over time I started to trust that the communication wasn’t a looped line from my own brain and began to ask questions.
Despite navigating the world of depression fairly well, on a particularly sad day, I crawled into bed, in the middle of the day. My partner was on the phone in another room and woke me with the convo. I felt incredible cold and I could hear Dad telling me I needed to get up to listen to the conversation. The conversation wasn’t relevant (sorry Ben for eavesdropping!) but I thanked Dad for getting me up out of bed. I went to my room, where my own phone rang, it was my Mum telling me she’d found the key for the safe and that I needed to ring the law society about an insurance claim, she also wished she knew where the Will was. I started to shiver.
I tied to ring the law society but couldn’t get through.
I’d hung up when the police called (a follow up from my phone call yesterday) I told them that everything had been sorted that Mum (just seconds beforehand) rang to say she’d found the key for the safe.
I sat and looked out the window and asked Dad where his Will was and he said, “it’s in my desk, it’s really obvious”
Mum rang back again to say she’d found the Will in a manilla folder in Dad’s desk. I told her I asked Dad and repeated what he’d told me. Mum asked, “before he passed?” and I said, “no, just now”.
I had a few more times where my whole body would shiver and I took that as a sign that Dad needed to tell me something urgently.
To this day I still ask him for direction.
IS IT JUST IN YOUR OWN MIND?
When Dad died I went to a very different place. I lost all concern of worldly possessions, I had no desire or need to eat, just a yearning to be in nature. I tried each day to communicate the World I was in, to my partner Ben but it was so hard to describe. I still find it hard to describe. Those first 3 months I found communicating with Dad, crystal clear. Over the next 6 months, I went back to work, back to routine, back to spending money, back to society. I noticed at some point that I wasn’t hearing Dad as clearly. I wasn’t absorbed in that spirit world. A year later, I found I now need to be still for a moment or two. To then ask and to accept the answer (even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment) to not overthink. I no longer need to be near glass, being in nature, is now the most helpful. I also find the messages I hear in short fragments, not complete sentences. I’m sure this isn’t a set formula but I’m hopeful my experience will help someone else. I’ve had too many messages from Dad that have translated into real-life outcomes to know it’s definitely not just in my own mind.
IS THERE A GOD?
My Dad was a devout Christian, although loosened his beliefs as he got older. I was raised Christian but try to keep an open mind. Curiosity made me chat to Dad about where exactly he was, is there a god?! I feel deep in my heart that where Dad is, is somewhere wonderful. I have no worries now about dying myself, I’m completely carefree, fearless and reassured. The next phase or even the world as we know it, is much greater than our awareness. I try not to forget this bigger picture when the everyday gets muddied by mundane worries. I don’t know all the answers but the little glimpse I’ve seen fills me with curiosity and amazement of what’s beyond.
SIGNS & FREQUENCY
The night Dad died, our smoke detector went off (it’d previously only gone off when I’d burnt something in the kitchen!). I saw rainbows everywhere the weeks following. Dad told me he’d eventually need to go further away and as the months wore on the rainbows decreased and I stopped communicating with Dad as frequently. This sounds incredibly sad but it was a very gradual process. In the first week, I would talk with Dad every few hours. The next month, a few times a day, the next few months, every second day, and now a year later, once a day, in a secret little spot on my morning walk – just for Dad and me:)
NEW RELATIONSHIP
I have a new relationship now with my Dad. He can’t physically be in my life but he is still a support in my life.
If you lose someone dear to you, I hope you find the ability to reach out to them. A weird thing happened since I stumbled into this spirit communication tool. I reached back out to my Grandma. I wasn’t sure what would happen but it was magical and provided me with immense peace and love, a closure of sorts that I didn’t know I needed.
I’m deeply sorry for your grief and I’m sending you lots of love on your journey xoxo
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